The ‘Twat’ Speech

Snow… And getting a bit used to the ‘seasonaire’ life… And being over half-way. I’m not sure what it is: but I’m getting a bit ok with it.

Not fucking easy… and it definitely required “the twat speech” but I’m now reckoning that potentially, possibly, perhaps I might make it to the end of the season.

Two’ve quit, one’s on sabbatical because life’s so hard she might’ve, and I was on my last legs.

Was.

“The Twat Speech” was, without doubt, the highlight of training.

Delivered brilliantly during training by a woman who’s clearly seen it all during here uncountable ski seasons: ’Twas a ruthless mix of Ray and Bear.

Ray Mears telling a story of a girl who  in 1809 found herself on the tip of the ‘bar panoramic’ and edged herself down to 1850 courcheval before deciding, frankly, it wouldn’t be a ski season if she didn’t crack two ‘game boys’ or ‘batman’s’ and so she Bear Grylls’d it; threw the bottle of a gin against the wall, necked a pint of her own piss, and slept in a camel.

That wasn’t quite how is went but there were some pretty ruthless and serious stories in there. People being found two days later under a layer of snow, people jumping off balconies to find that the snow below wasn’t quite as deep as they’d hoped, people just being, well ‘twats’ really.

With the sun out, the lack of sleep becoming easier to deal with and the skiing hard being one of the best things ever – I think I’m gonna have to stick this one out,.

Just better keep that speech ringing in my ears.

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